My rewrite of Shakespeare’s XXIX sonnet

When, in disgrace with fortune and mankind’s eyes –
read: I’m broke, and it feels like everyone is ticked off at me –
I all alone beweep my outcast state,
which I do often,
and trouble deaf heaven with my whingy bitching and moaning,
and look upon myself and curse my fate,
another thing I do often,
wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like her, like her with friends possessed…
hang on, let’s be honest, I’ve got friends,
but what I really want is to be tall, slender, and beautiful
instead of short, frumpy, and troll-like…
but I digress…
Desiring this man’s art and that man’s scope –
well, I don’t really want anyone’s art but I’d like more talent,
and intelligence, if that wouldn’t be too much to ask –
with what I most enjoy contented least;
ok, if I’m really truthful, I’ve not been enjoying much of anything lately
and ‘contented’ hasn’t been part of my vocabulary in a very long time;
yet in these thoughts myself almost despising…
ok, no ‘almost’ about it… there’s been a lot of self-despising of late;
haply I think on thee,
(uh, that would be You, but you don’t know who You are
because you don’t know that I’m thinking of You,
and I dare not tell you that I think of You … a lot…
well, it’s complicated…)
and then my state of mind
(Like to the lark at break of day arising from sullen earth,
or maybe more like the funny butterfly wings you feel inside
when you catch a glimpse of your heart’s desire) sings hymns at heaven’s gate,
or more like, stands on a rooftop and dances as if no one is watching;
For thy sweet love remembered such wealth brings –
not that I have any sweet love to remember, seeing as we’ve never met before –
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.
So, basically what I’m trying to say is,
if I think about You, and the possibility that we could meet one day, somewhere,
that makes me kind of happy, and I don’t want to change places with anyone.

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About Tallulah

Writer, Photographer, Artist. Animal Welfare Advocate. Wildlife and Environmental Advocate.
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