Soliloquy

Damn thee, Negativity!

Thou dost creep into my thoughts

when I am least aware.

Thou stains my reverie with thy ugliness.

Get thee hence from whence thou came,

and bother me no more!

I banish thee from my mind!

 

Yet… thou still remains.

 

I will think no more of thee – I will not!

 

Each time my thoughts begin to rise,

reaching skyward with renewed optimism,

thou art there to snatch them back to earth,

shredding their fledgling wings with thy gnarled grasps!

Leave me alone!

I beseech thee, pray, no more!

 

Thou hast lied to me, made me believe things that were not truth.

Perhaps they were true…

No! Oh, thou art clever, Negativity,

but I see through thy guises now!

 

In truth, thou hast always been near,

hovering, tainting me with thy pessimism.

In my youth I only partly listened to thee.

My own desires were stronger then.

But thou were’t patient, indeed.

If something went awry, thou wouldst whisper in my ear,

lies to make me question myself.

Thy lies were smooth, quiet, convincing.

I believed thee, at times,

yet I struggled against thee, too.

 

Over time, thou began to take control,

thy lies began to sound like thruths.

We became almost inseparable, thee and I.

Thou took me to very dark places,

and kept me there, isolated, frightened,

whispering thy lies, like a mantra in my heart.

 

In that darkness my own little voice cried out,

‘This is not what I want!

If I stay in this darkness, I will surely die!’

In my grief, there appeared a tiny shaft of light,

so small it was almost imperceptible;

but in my mind, it was a ray of warm sunshine,

reaching for my frigid soul.

Thou tried to prevent my departure,

whispering thy toxic words,

telling me there was no one out there for me.

‘Mercy!’ I cried out, reaching for the light.

Thou whispered, more insistent,

that every step would be failure, so why try?

But this time I did not heed thy words;

the warmth beckoned.

I followed.

 

Tonight, in the shadows, thou art back,

hovering around me,

draping me with thy inky cloak of gloom.

Be gone, Negativity! Be thou gone from my sight!

I shall not heed thy words, for they are poison to my soul!

Thou doest hold no dominion over me!

No matter what thou decries, I shall not falter this time.

I would rather be alone, in The Light,

than by thy side in the darkness!

I will struggle to remain in The Light,

even if only a tiny shaft I see.

So take thy leave… now! I am done with thee!

 

© Tallulah 2012

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About Tallulah

Writer, Photographer, Artist. Animal Welfare Advocate. Wildlife and Environmental Advocate.
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